In other words, we don't get out much. Because we can't afford it. Are you listening, boss? [Ed. -- Nope.]
So when we were handed free tickets to a Hard Rock Live event featuring a friend's band, we were happy to take the plunge. Especially since it was at night and our exposure to the angry, skin-sizzling rays of the sun would be kept to a minimum. You know, because we're shut-ins. Who like to masturbate on an hourly basis. [Ed. -- where most writers get paid by the word, we get paid by the masturbation reference. Masturbation -- yay!]
We went to see the Unit Shifters in action at Hard Rock, but we also got to see The Whitey Tighties perform, too. Before we get to our entirely un-educated analysis of the night's performances, we have to say that the Hard Rock restaurant experience was delightful -- albeit pricey. Although we kept our dinner selection to the bare minimum, the cost of the two-person dinner easily eclipsed $50, and that's with the drinks consisting of coffee and chocolate milk. We highly recommend the Twisted Mac & Cheese dinner. It was delightful and made us feel like the grown-up children that we are.
We were there to see the Unit Shifters, but we enjoyed the headline performance of the Whitey Tighties. We also caught the tail end of the band prior, but at that point we were on such a sugar-high from chocolate milk, ice cream, and cotton candy that we can't even remember the band's name.
As mentioned, the Whitey Tighties were headlining. Which was actually disappointing, because apparently they didn't think it important to bring their A-game. And by that, we mean their lead singer sucked. It was a new guy and we think we could hear him sing over the music a total of once. And by once, we literally mean in seconds. One second. The guy just didn't have enough energy in his voice. Which is a shame, because the music and the lyrics (we assume) were pretty kick-ass. We know that the band didn't bring their A-game because for one particular cover, the original singer (who was, they said, leaving the band in short order) belted out the lead vocals in a beautiful and clear manner that served mainly to eclipse the minuscule display of talent from the current lead singer.
We will qualify this (again) by saying that we're not professional music critics (although we had a dream that we played them on TV) and we're literally just expressing what sounded good to our admittedly biased ears. (In order to keep the mystery alive, we won't tell you what our bias is. You have to figure it out for yourself.)
Credit where credit is due: even though the Unit Shifters are lead by a frontman by the name of Shwill, there is nothing that can tame the on-stage, brutal energy of the Unit Shifters drummer, Chris LeBrane.
LeBrane shook the house, rattled the roof, and when all was said and done, grabbed you by the throat and bitch-slapped you with his drum sticks. Which, in our humble opinion, is exactly what a live performance should.
Stay pungent, Orlando.