Wait, did we say sex twice? More importantly, do we care?
As of today, we're adding two more words to the list: horses and septic. Tanks. Okay, that's three words, but it's not like you have to be so anal. We're all here for the same reason: get wasted, have fun, and provide each other excuses for not showing up at the office in the morning. [Ed -- if you're reading this at the office, sorry.]
It's unclear the allure that the Osceola septic tank held for the local horse, but it quickly became clear that it was enough for tank and beast to become intimately familiar with each other.
Florida Animal Control and Fire Rescue were called after the horse fell into the septic tank but they were unable to come up with a solution to what they described as a "Class 2 Equine Emergency".
In response to the horse's persistent whinnies, horse whisperer Juan Miguel Jose-Carrabba Gonzalez was brought in to consult. And interpret. Because that's what horse whisperers do.
"Si, I heard a great deal from the horse," Juan Miguel Jose-Carrabba Gonzalez told us. "Mostly he kept repeating, 'I've fallen and I can't get up' and 'I've really stepped into it this time' and 'Man, this sh*t really stinks'."
At this time, it's unclear who will be footing the bill for this alleged horse whisperer.
Despite our inquiries, we still don't know why the equine fell for the septic tank in the first place. As per Orlando Insider protocol, we speculate that the horse's home was a real sh*t-hole and the septic tank was a day at the spa in comparison.