Original photo credit: Project: Awesome
Photo credit: Dark Archer Design
Previously on "Dino Punch!":
DISCLAIMER: Dino Punch! is not a real show, nor will it ever be. Maybe. If we had our way (and a few hundred thousand dollars) Dino Punch! would be the best show you've never seen. For now, though, Dino Punch! sits alongside Captain Randy and his Magical Rainbow Palace in the Sky. Which, admittedly, isn't a terrible place to be.
We don't usually like to call people crazy around here [we do -- Ed.], the whole kettle-pot-black thing, you know? But there's definitely something crazy about producing a feature film completely by yourself. It's even crazier when the finished product is good.
Technically from the Mothership Department, we present to you "Caffeine" a self-made feature film by Jordan Krumbine, shot entirely by Jordan Krumbine in a bedroom of his Orlando condo. Crazy, right?
Here are some fun facts about the movie from the official website:
We watched it so you don't have to -- and then we recommend that you watch it, too. Confused? Good! That's a great place to be when watching Yogi Bear!
Here at the Orlando Insider, we have so little to do that inventorying our pantry of Little Debbie snacks usually seems like a good idea. Especially when it's late. And we're drunk. Which is, admittedly, about 80% of our waking days.
However, when there's no more pantry to inventory, we're forced to seek out other forms of entertainment. Now, we realize that calling Yogi Bear "entertainment" may be an affront to our casual readers, but bear with us. (HA! Get it?!)
Admittedly, we use the term "entertainment" loosely. Yogi Bear is no Dark Knight. Or Rise of the Planet of the Apes for that matter (we, for one, welcome our ape-overlords with open arms). In fact, when discussing what was so terrible about Yogi Bear, we were able to compile quite the list:
- The writing. "Yeah. Because NOW we're heading straight for the Jelly Jarring Rapids!" Even Tom Cavanagh can't make that line work.
- Justin Timberlake. Will he ever stop playing himself in the movies? At least Dan Akroyd did a deeper voice.
- Was Anna Faris trying too hard or not trying enough? Remember the Scary Movies? Yeah, neither do we, but we kinda remember a decent performance or two from her.
- The movie pales in comparison to the cartoon (depending on how drunk you are when watching either).
- It's a little difficult for a grown-ass adult to watch Yogi Bear when there's not a single child present to watch the movie with. It's like men using tampons: it just doesn't make sense. Unless you're really drunk.
- Saying "razzle dazzle!" does not actually add razzle dazzle to a movie.
Right, we know: it doesn't take a genius to figure out why Yogi Bear isn't a good movie. And if there's one thing that you should expect from Orlando Insider, it's that we don't like pointing out the obvious. (Except when the topic of discussion is Marco Rubio's giant f*cking ears. Which are obviously alien monsters that have taken control of Rubio to further their invasion plans by way of corrupting our national political system with the Tea Party.)
That's right: here at Orlando Insider, we thought Yogi Bear was pretty damn good.
It might be the alcohol talking (coconut rum and wine coolers -- we have no standards and we're okay with that) but we enjoyed the hell out of Yogi Bear. It was stupid, silly, and made us laugh a couple of times. It's not something we ever plan to go back to, but it's 80 minutes of our lives that went by just a bit smoother, thanks to the big dumb bear. Here's why:
- Tom Cavanagh., We fell in love with him as JD's older brother in Scrubs, so STFU. He's adorable.
- Justin Timberlake. You know how you revise your resume every now and then to get rid of the really embarrassing stuff? JT's timing must have been REALLY bad, taking the role of Boo-Boo shortly before he hit it big in the movies. That's why we loved his performance so much as Yogi's pint-sized sidekick: it's so embarrassing for Timberlake and we love a good dose of schadenfreude.
- The plot was so simple and "family-friendly" that we never got confused, no matter how drunk we got.
- Silly, stupid fun deserves a little credit. Not much, but definitely a little. There are worse ways to kill 80 minutes. Like watching Marco Rubio pretend to be a fireman.
We're not saying Yogi Bear is good flick -- it's not -- but we enjoy the bad movies along with the good, and Yogi Bear, in our opinion, is delightfully bad.
The Extremely Hung-Over Orlando Insider Writing Staff
We have a feeling that if James Franco made a movie about his morning poo, we'd probably be excited to see it. Rise of the Planet of the Apes, however, transcends even our love for the Franco -- this movie will be ape-tastic.
Best part of King Kong? When Kong tackled THREE FREAKING T-REXES! Hell, we even like the Planet of the Apes remake, because no matter how you slice it, monkey's equal cinematic gold. At least here at Orlando Insider. Where our standards are low.
Here at Orlando Insider, we don't claim to be on the cutting edge of film releases. Or anything, for that matter. In fact, our ultimate goal is to broadcast weekly episodes of a Orlando Insider show, but we're still trying to figure out how to get this 8mm footage onto the computer.
If you hadn't surmised from the title and the graphic to the left, we just watched Bridesmaids. It was a fun night: the entire staff stayed late last Friday and we popped in a bootleg copy (on VHS, obviously) because we wouldn't be caught dead buying actual tickets for such a blatant chick flick even though we have quite the unrequited crush on Kristen Wiig and dream about her even when we're not sleeping.
We'll keep this simple: Bridesmaids is a movie in need of a better title. Kristen Wiig (as usual) is the bomb in this flick and she blew up all over the screen. Melissa McCarthy (from TV's Mike & Molly) finally proved to us that she was more than just the punchline to a lame fat joke (even though, admittedly, the joke WAS written by the OI.o staff).
There's literally nothing to be said about the story: the framework is that Wiig's best friend is getting married and Wiig is going to be the Maid of Honor. We're fairly certain that movie has been made at least fourteen other times. What makes this version special is truly talented writing and equally talented acting (there are some great improvisational moments throughout the flick).
Our only complaint? It's too long. And there was a ridiculous lack of nudity. From Kristen Wiig. It's rated R -- throw us a bone already, K-Wiig!
The Under-Sexed Orlando Insider Writing Staff
There are a couple of things we do religiously here at the Orlando Insider writer's office: eat, watch porn, and absorb hours of television every day.
Not necessarily in that order, though.
Recently, we had to say goodbye to the Botwin's and the extended (and teasing) bore-fest that Weeds had degenerated into (stay tuned for the post titled "Goodbye, Botwin's") so it was with nothing short of sheer exuberance that we welcomed the premiere of season 4 of Breaking Bad.
See, it takes a special kind of appreciation to understand that television is more than just mind-numbing drivel to fill the air waves (see: Two and a Half Men and the Bravo network) but an art form that eclipses even vast establishment of film (which wasn't that hard after Yogi Bear and the Twilight films). And if there's a single television show that carries the burden of TV as art (well-deserved and rightfully so) it's Breaking Bad, bitches.
So welcome back, Walt. You've been dearly missed. Just watch your back cause that Gus is one bad-ass muthaf*cker.