Statistically speaking, there's no avoiding it. Nothing can last forever -- not Steve Jobs and certainly not humanity or planet earth -- it's just a question of how and when. Since we know that the world must invariably end at some point or another, we can then say with utmost certainty that every passing day brings us closer to the apocalypse. And in a world where there is no longer a living Steve Jobs, is that even a bad thing?
The writing staff of Orlando Insider turned their eyes to an unlikely source of the apocalypse: the water. And fish. Sharks, actually. In southwest Florida, a fisherman was wading in shallow waters when he suddenly found himself as an appetizer on a shark's dinner menu. What set off the giant red apocalypse warning light in the OI.o office was the fact that this was the SECOND shark bite in just over a week. And so long after Shark Week -- Orlando Insider speculates that this is either a case of really poor comedic timing ("Shark Week, get it?!" "Dude, that was month's ago." "I ONLY HAVE FINS! YOU KNOW I CAN'T CHANGE THE MONTH ON THE CALENDAR APP ON MY IPHONE!") or the sharks know something that the humans don't.
Something like Sharkpocalypse, when the monster fish of the sea rise up against their human oppressors and take back the planet. Coming soon to the SyFy channel movie of the week.
In all seriousness, the once-bitten, twice-shy fisherman happened to also be a secret product tester for the unreleased iPhone 5. Yes, you read that right. He wasn't testing the recently released iPhone 4s, but the UNRELEASED iPhone 5. After Apple found out that a large percentage of iPhone 5 product testers (there were only two testers) were being bitten by sharks, they decided to push back the launch of the iPhone 5 to iron out the shark-attracting defects.
We'd say that Steve Jobs was unavailable to comment on this story, but that would just be in poor taste.
See you after the Sharkpocalypse, Steve. (That you may or may not be indirectly responsible for.)
The Incredibly Sad Writing Staff of Orlando Insider