Orlando Insider's muti-faceted military correspondent, Hank the Skunk Ape, speculated that the 11 year-old girl was likely an early-recruit being outfitted with highly-experimental super soldier technology. The arm of government to blame for such nefarious activity?
"All of it," Hank stated bluntly and with a sweeping gesture of his meaty hand. "Specifically, though, a deeply-secret, unknown faction of government more powerful than the FBI, the CIA, and the NSA all rolled into one. We can only speculate as to the name of this agency, but colloquially we refer to it as the UGA."
So what does UGA stand for? Hey, this isn't our first governmental coverup/misdirection rodeo, so we went straight to the source. We emailed the secret, unknown government agency and asked them. Here's their response:
The "UGA", short for Unknown Government Agency, does not exist. We repeat: THE UGA DOES NOT EXIST. There is no "super soldier program" and the 11 year-old girl in Tampa is just afflicted with a rare medical condition that required cutting-edge bionic technology -- something we happen to be rather good at, here in America. Also, please stop emailing us.
-- UGA Spokesperson
We told you so, we told you so! NANA NANA BOO BOO!!! THBBBBTTT!!!!
-- Marvel Executives
So, you know, put some pants on.