Admittedly, a large portion of Obama's speech about the debt ceiling, national credit, unicorns, and taxes was dry and mostly incomprehensible gibberish to our highly-trained bullshit detectors. However, once he got to the home-run stretch of the speech, we perked up. In more ways than one.
Which is a lot more than we can say about our reaction to John Boehner's immediate rebuttal.
No, it wasn't because we suddenly understood how a trillion-dollar deficit and bipartisanship would affect our ability to afford BOTH our weekly supply of porn (hey, the internet still costs money!) and our eight meals a week from Taco Bell.
It was something else far more potent: creative writing and patriotism. Hit the Read More link for a recap of our favorite part of the President's speech and why we had to don our stars-and-stripes underoos.
"Now, I realize that a lot of the new members of Congress and I don’t see eye-to-eye on many issues. But we were each elected by some of the same Americans for some of the same reasons. Yes, many want government to start living within its means. And many are fed up with a system in which the deck seems stacked against middle-class Americans in favor of the wealthiest few. But do you know what people are fed up with most of all?
"They’re fed up with a town where compromise has become a dirty word. They work all day long, many of them scraping by, just to put food on the table. And when these Americans come home at night, bone-tired, and turn on the news, all they see is the same partisan three-ring circus here in Washington. They see leaders who can’t seem to come together and do what it takes to make life just a little bit better for ordinary Americans. They’re offended by that. And they should be.
"The American people may have voted for divided government, but they didn’t vote for a dysfunctional government. So I’m asking you all to make your voice heard. If you want a balanced approach to reducing the deficit, let your member of Congress know. If you believe we can solve this problem through compromise, send that message.
"America, after all, has always been a grand experiment in compromise. As a democracy made up of every race and religion, where every belief and point of view is welcomed, we have put to the test time and again the proposition at the heart of our founding: that out of many, we are one. We’ve engaged in fierce and passionate debates about the issues of the day, but from slavery to war, from civil liberties to questions of economic justice, we have tried to live by the words that Jefferson once wrote: “Every man cannot have his way in all things -- without this mutual disposition, we are disjointed individuals, but not a society.”
"History is scattered with the stories of those who held fast to rigid ideologies and refused to listen to those who disagreed. But those are not the Americans we remember. We remember the Americans who put country above self, and set personal grievances aside for the greater good. We remember the Americans who held this country together during its most difficult hours; who put aside pride and party to form a more perfect union.
That’s who we remember. That’s who we need to be right now. The entire world is watching. So let’s seize this moment to show why the United States of America is still the greatest nation on Earth –- not just because we can still keep our word and meet our obligations, but because we can still come together as one nation."
Like we said at the start, we're fans of good writing. And for the president to wrap up a speech about the driest, most uninteresting material known to mankind by making it patriotic to compromise -- well, hot-damn and skip-to-my-loo -- it's a good day to be an American.
A creative American.
Not a bad day for speech writers, either. Or politicians. Assuming you stopped at Obama's speech tonight, because Boehner single-handedly made politicians look a bunch of six-year-old school girls bitching about who got the prettiest lunch box.
Yeah, let's just focus on the great writing in former, shall we?
The Under-Paid but Genuinely Inspired Orlando Insider Writing Staff