It also helps that it's late at night, we're VERY drunk, and we may or may not have just raped a couch.
Okay, yeah, that's not true. It was consensual. Mostly.
But the recliner was looking at us funny, so we had to break out the blindfold. After that, we weren't sure who was on top and what cushion we were pushing.
Which, oddly enough, is exactly what we assume the person who typed in "dani shay naked" was thinking after they stumbled onto orlandoinsider.org. We're not kidding, someone actually found our blog on the internet.
WHILE THEY WERE SEARCHING FOR DANI SHAY NUDE PICS!!!!
Talk about the motherf*cking jackpot.
Give it up already, people. It was the Skunk Ape's flaming #2. Case closed.
Dani Shay Naked
Again: jackpot, baby! You know you've made it when you start showing up in searches for porn. Seriously, we love you, Dani Shay. Even if when we think of you naked, we end up with very confusing thoughts about Justin Beiber.
Dani Shay Voted Off
See above. You were robbed. We hate that America's Got Talent set such an ugly precedent for creative writing -- songwriting or otherwise. To say that writing your own music is not a strong enough demonstration of talent is a travesty. But then, what else should we expect from an unscripted reality show? By the way, have we mentioned recently that Dani Shay has had an open invitation to join the orlandoinsider.org staff ever since she got voted off America's Got Talent? [Ed: Dani Shay has yet to respond to this offer; the Orlando Insider writing staff remains optimistic.]
E.T. 11 People
You're still searching for this story, Orlando? Sh*t, even we're bored of it by now. And we're the ones making the jokes about ET's finger.
Marco Rubio Ears
Finally! Here at Orlando Insider, we've long been opposed to Marco Rubio's ears being allowed in the United States Senate. It's one thing to let Angelina Jolie's lips -- or Robert De Niro's mole -- star in feature films, but Marco Rubio's ears as a U.S. Senator? Not even in Hollyweird, bitches. We're glad to see that we're not the only ones who oppose Rubio's ears and their clearly unnatural ability to be FREAKING HUGE. As for the man himself (we know: what man?) we still desperately hope that when he gets voted out of the Senate, Rubio DOESN'T pursue a career as a firefighter.
Scott Hesington Dismissed and Scott Hesington Mascot and Scott Hesington Orlando Magic
Okay, we get it. You like to google yourself, Scott. Who doesn't? But just remember, if you do it too much, you might go blind. At least, that's what Hank the Skunk Ape said Scott was told right before he was dismissed. And since we know you're googling yourself religiously, Scott: that last part was a joke. You can tell because our "source" for the information about you losing your job because of too much masturbation is none other than Hank the Skunk Ape. But seriously: if you did lose your job for whacking it, we salute you. That is SO epic.
Search on, Central Florida, and search often. But not too hard because you might get friction burn.
The Underwhelmed Orlando Insider Writing Staff