Yes, we're talking about our virginity. Our comment-virginity. And here at Orlando Insider, we couldn't be happier to have finally lost ours. Seriously, after awhile, it just gets embarrassing. We were hanging out with some of our other blogging friends [Ed: we have no friends, this is a blatant lie.] and when the topic of blog comments came up, we found ourselves getting mocked relentlessly by all the other guys. It was like high school, college, and the last six years of our lives ALL OVER AGAIN.
Thankfully, our cherry has been popped, thanks to Mike. [Ed: not the one in the picture. Hopefully.] We don't want to get too cocky about it, but the truth is that it was pretty good. We mean, there's "the first time" and then there's "THE MOTHERF*CKING FIRST TIME OF OUR MOTHERF*CKING LIVES".
Ours was the latter. And all credit goes to that stallion of stallions, Mike:
I watched them go up, slowly drift high over the pier[and in view of the bar from which reports were filed], then fade to a small red spark well above the ocean. It's a shame that some feel a need to fake/photoshop sitings...they actually only damage the credibility of real events.
We met up with Hank the Skunk Ape yesterday afternoon, about three hours south of Orlando. At Hank's request, we're not posting the exact location since he wants to protect his family from those "goddamned crazy, rat-obsessed tourists".
"Alleged," Hank corrected quickly.
"We're a blog, Hank, not the six o'clock news. We can be definitive. And we're pretty sure it was the Decepticons, anyhow."
"Well, I was there, and it was no goddamn movie robot."
"They're not just movie robots!"
At this point, Hank rolled his eyes and then gave us a look that suggested he wanted to tear our arms off. We're familiar with this look because it's the same look our ex-girlfriend gave us on a daily basis.
"Okay, so what do you say to the allegations that the fireball was just a Chinese lantern?" we asked.
"Goddamned horsesh*t!" Hank bellowed. "You want to know what the fireball was? I was visiting Flagler and ended up taking a dump. Like I usually do, I lit my sh*t on fire and then threw it into the ocean." [Ed: Skunk Ape fecal matter is highly flammable.]
So there you have it, Mike.